it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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