i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
