His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Boobs speak an international language.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
