Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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