Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
