yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
