I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
