I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
