i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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