Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
