If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
