I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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