3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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