There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize