I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize