i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
