Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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