if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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