I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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