I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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