im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
