so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
