"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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