We're facebook friends in real life
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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