you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
