I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
