You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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