I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
