I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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