You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
