Porn is love you can see.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
