sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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