Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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