i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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