I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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