Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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