why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
