Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
