i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
