I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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