:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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