You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
