sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
