She announced her abortion via fbk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
