i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize