he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize