then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sorry about my life...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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