So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
