On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
FUCK WHALES
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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