I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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