Christians are straight up FREAKS
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize