I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
