I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Drake has all the answers
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize