just tell him i said nine months
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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