my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
