Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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