So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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