I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
