needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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