Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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