I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
